Medieval-me walks with infant-I,
Hand in hand, below the sky,
Where rabbits pause with clear brown ears,
Then rush to hide from our best fears.
The adult-I asks the little-me
What other places we'd like to see:
The mica mountain, the lawn of birds,
The house where light creates new words.
We pace ourselves around the track
With other families, front and back.
The childhood-I asks the grownup-me
What other places we must be:
Andean plains, the Nordic lands,
The beach where waves erase old sands,
The cottage steps, the Sundance trail,
The spirit world beyond the veil.
The angel-me sings with ageing-I,
Voice with voice, earth to sky,
Along the fence, our friends appear,
(Pima College Track, Tucson, Arizona, Summer 1991)
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3 comments:
hmmm... i had to think of miss potter in the first stanza. :-) i like this. i wonder if the alternation between "i" and "me" is purely grammatical or if there is more to it? the succession of places is interesting but on first read i don't see a particular pattern. the places themselves however are beautiful - mica mountain has a lovely ring to it, the erased sands are lovely, and my favorite has got to be the lawn of birds. if i was to steal an image, that would be the one. :-)
the plan of salvation theme comes in so tiptoeingly that once it's there, it comes a bit as a surprise. is "the spirit world beyond the veil" placed too early on, or could there be something to lead toward it a little? the ending works well with this theme, just the veil in the middle seems a little lost. what do you think?
I could switch the first two lines with the last two lines in that stanza, so that the trail/veil rime ends the quartet? Thank you for the feedback!
yes that might flow better to have the veil at the end of the stanza. :-)
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